Friends. Those we lose, and those we gain.

Okay, so I got really sad and emotional last night and The Lion King soundtrack really didn't help! But after everyone had gone to bed and fallen asleep I had this realisation. A sort of epiphany type thing.

We lose a lot in life. And sure. I'm only eighteen. But through my own experiences and the experiences of others, I've realised that sadly, loss, well. It's a part of life that each and every one of us has to deal with at some point, in one way or another. 

For example, we lose all kinds of things. Things such as family, and jobs, and bets. Weight, keys, minds, sometimes even hope, and a whole bunch of other stuff. But right now I want to talk about friends. And those of mine that I've lost. But also those of mine that I've gained. 

Now I'm not being miserable. Please don't think for a second I'm trying to persuade you that everything in life is bad and you're only going to lose everything anyway so you should give up, because you honestly won't. And I really don't want anyone to think that way about life. Yes. We lose a lot. But surely we can all realise that loss can bring gains just as easily? I think it does. And I'll prove it to you. 

Last night I had a little chat with a very old friend of mine. And it really emphasised a thought I've been having for a long time now. 

"What happened to everyone that I used to know?"

 I mean. Seriously. Where did they all go? I honestly can't think of anyone I used to hang around with, or be really good friends that I see on a regular basis. And that's genuinely quite saddening. Then, there's the fact that in a couple of months I'm going to be moving away, and the chance to find out the answer to that question narrows even further. Granted, I do know where some of these people are now, but there's still this knowing inside me that we've drifted apart, and it's really quite awful. 

Look at us all. Year nine I believe this is from. This isn't even everybody. There were another two and a half years after this where I lost some of this group, but gained even more. I wish so very badly there was a picture of us all at the end of year eleven. But sadly, there isn't. 

But I'm not going to sit here and lament about that. No. I've got a whole other group of friends now. Some mistakes landed me in a situation where I had to retake the whole first year of A Levels. But to be quite honest, it really did me the world of good. (I'll write about that another time).

So now that I've got this new group of friends, I've had two years to realise that they're brilliant. Every last one of them. And whilst some of them are moving to opposite ends of the bloody country in two months, I'll still be extremely proud to call them my friends. And to those of you that go, please know that I'll miss you all. I truly will. But, luckily for me, I get to take some of them with me in September. And even though I'm going to be spending so much time hiding away in front of a computer screen, I'll make sure I have time for you lot. I promise. 

You know, you can spend time dwelling on what you've lost. I know I do. I shouldn't, but I do. And as I said, it genuinely saddens me to think about what I've lost. But the fact that I have the friends I have now, and the potential all the way through life to gain more. Well. It definitely outweighs what's been lost. And it just goes to show that, at least for me, it's not how many friends you have, or how many you've had in the past, or even how many you will have in the future. It's getting to know those people for everything that they are, and realising that you just can't really be without them. And then if you lose them, you realise how much it actually hurts once they're gone. And that tells you when your friends are true friends. And believe me when I say that they're the ones that matter. 

Friends come and go. You'll have hundreds in your lifetime. Maybe even more than that. But those who stay, whether that be physically or mentally, they're the ones that matter. And you don't ever lose them. Not entirely. 

So that's it. Yes. A little sad. A little serious. But I did want to say something. I miss a lot of people right now. And I'd give my right arm to see us all together again. But it's okay, because I guess I could say that after all, I haven't really lost anybody. 

So, to each and every one if you - no matter where you are, or what you're doing. You're all still with me. In both my mind and my heart. 

Thank you for reading. 

- Anthony.